My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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