We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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