he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
