you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
