he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just high enough for therapy.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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