the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
