i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
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I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
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So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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