You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
