You're completely useless in the revolution.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
