i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
