Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
