Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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