just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
tell me about the fingering
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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