also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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