i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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