I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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