I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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