Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
