I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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