I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
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