i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
