i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
