pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
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do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
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I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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