dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
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It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
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As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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