so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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