I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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