i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
