I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
