I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
