as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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