i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
