I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
