You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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