My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
