I am puke
I can text with my tongue
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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