Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
