Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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