Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
