i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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