I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Come see our sink grown plant.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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