Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
