Only a mothe r could love this liver
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
