I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
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As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
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Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
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