I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize