I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
