two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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