Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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