Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
