I can tuck mytits in my pants
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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