Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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