Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
