I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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