There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
