I CAN MOONWALK!
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
