So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She's like a pop up book from hell.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
