I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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