that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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