wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
