I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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