i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
