just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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