also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
