do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
