I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
