for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
