I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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